


Impossible Things

by AlbaAdler



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 10:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4662810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbaAdler/pseuds/AlbaAdler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“But if you were in my place, would you accept to be his wife?” She pushed, feeling a whiplash of guilt for torturing in that way a woman that was so obviously in love.<br/>However, Brienne didn’t answer, she just smiled weakly and for an instant her eyes were filled with light and life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impossible Things

**Author's Note:**

> Remember your comments make me very happy and I have a very nasty flu, so be good!  
> Thanks again to Lauralina for all her help with this story. She really is a wonderful beta =)

# Impossible Things

 

Finally, after three moons, Jaime was getting used to his routine. Every morning after breaking his fast with the company of the sullen face of the wench; he had the obligation to take care of the tedious issues that frequently forced him to spend long hours reading and writing letters. Once a week he gave hearings and once each moon he traveled all around his land to make sure everything was in order. That last task was for far his preferred one because it meant that he could spend three or four days of outdoors, riding and often sleeping in the open air.

That night, dining a rabbit near the fire, just like he had done many other times before, he felt happy. Brienne was by his side absently minded watching the fire but sitting very closed to him, maybe as a reminiscence of the old times in the North, when they had to be as close as possible to keep themselves warm.

The rest of his party —half a dozen of his men— were eating, remaining at a certain distance from them, laughing and talking paying no attention to him or Brienne.

The fire enlightened the woman eyes and, even in the poor light, made them shine in a funny way, as if she was close to burst into tears, but that was absurd because the Maid of Tarth never cried in public. Jaime had caught her crying quietly when she thought everybody else was sleeping, but by the morrow she blamed her red eyes on the road’s dust.

Since they had arrived to the Rock, however, she seemed calm and cheerful. With no more dangers, oaths or innocents to be rescued, the only black cloud on her sky were her father’s letters offering her as a wife to either one of his banermen or to a desperate hedge knight looking for a safe future. Jaime was tired of all that rubbish and wished to put an end to it. No matter what, he will never let her to be married to one of those wretches.

“I got a letter from my father this morning.” She told him as guessing his thoughts.

“The new pretender to the Lady Brienne’s hand is now —perhaps a merchant looking for funding to expand his business?” He joked trying to lighten her mood.

“No. Actually he wrote me to inform me that —well —one of the ladies he spent the time with is with child and he has decided to marry her to legitimize the child.”  She explained, blushing until the root of her hair, as if she were to blame for his father’s slips.

“That’s good for you, I assume. Your father will stop looking for a husband for you.” Jaime told her, somehow feeling at eased as well.

She bitterly smiled and hugged her knees with sorrow.

“No; indeed, on the same letter he offer me to another of his banermen, but not so insistently. Luckily, now I can tell him I have no desire to get marry to anyone —ever.”

“Don’t be so categorical about it, wench. Maybe sooner that you think a new pretender to your hand will appear, one that may not be so unpleasant to you and who won’t approach you for your lands.

Brienne, I’d like to —if you want—” Emboldened he took her hand, but meanwhile he breathe deeply gaining the courage to go on, she looked at him offended and got away from him.

“No.” She yelled at him with more intensity that was needed. “I don’t want to get marry ever. I don’t want to be anybody’s wife!”

She walked away as if suddenly she feared to be contaminated by him. First he tried to not be offended, but after a while his pride gained ground and he too abruptly stood up.

“Well, neither have I had the wish to marry a strange, but contrary to you I still have to do it in order to give the Rock an heir.”

Jaime smiled with pretended indifference. By no means he’d allow her to realize how much her rejection had hurt him, or perhaps a little part inside of him was willing to find a glimpse of jealousy after hear him manifest his intention to marry another woman.

However, Brienne coldly faced him and even shrugged nonchalantly.

“It’s your duty.” She finally told him before she went back to her place and got ready to sleep.

As always, for her all came down to the damn honor and duty. When he was released from the King’s Guard with all his rights over the Rock, he never deemed marriage as an obligation, but that was because he had only one woman in mind, though he never believed he could be rejected in such a definitive way. Until that moment he had believed that was very possible to turn their friendship into something deeper, and after a while convince her to be his wife. But that was before he saw her running away from him with something very alike nausea.

Since that moment the wench kept her distance from him. It took several weeks to make the things between them less awkward.

Although at first his bravado about getting a wife it was just that, the continuous pleas of his counselors to get marry became the issue in some kind of priority. At the beginning Jaime dragged his foot trying to win some time and getting Brienne ready, but once he convinced himself she had no desire to be his wife, it didn’t matter one woman or another. He left that matter in the hands of his counselors; they’d find the most advantageous candidate for the Rock’s sake. He just would say a few meaningless words in the sept and he would fulfill his duty in the bed until the woman got pregnant.

The chosen one was the Lady Aleyda, daughter of one of the Valley banermen. Her father owned one of the richest silver mines in all the Seven Kingdoms and she was, in addition of a wonderful match, as beauty as the first lights in the morning, with exquisite manners. And, in opinion of everyone that knew her, she was also smart and compassionate. She was, in short, the perfect woman and her only fault according to Jaime was that she wasn’t the woman he loved. The Lady Aleyda was far away of the homely, stubborn, grumpy-looking, tough and strong-minded wench with whom he had so stupidly fallen in love.

===

Ten years ago Jaime would never had believed possible to be about to —for second time in his lifetime— ask a woman for her hand and being rejected _again_. Because he didn’t fooled himself, the woman in front of him seemed so happy at the thought of give him her hand in marriage as he’d be to jump into the deepest of a frozen lake.

“You look like a smart woman; I offer you a nice and comfortable life; my respect and perhaps my friendship. I promise to fulfill with marital obligations until Casterly Rock gets an heir or the gods convince us that this will not happen. Either way I’ll keep regarding you as my wife and treat you with all due respect.” He stated as if he was speaking of the leasing contract of his fleet.

The woman didn’t show any sign of awkwardness. She studied him for a long moment before taking her glass and giving a couple of elegant sips.

“I realize that you don’t offer me love, Ser Jaime; and I think that there are three possible options to this: first that you are a very practical or cynical man and deemed that feeling asrubbish; the second one is that you have other — _inclinations_ and you are not able to give your love to any woman,” Jaime couldn’t help the laughter that this statement caused him, the woman nodded, taking his laugh as evidence enough to discard that option,  “and the last one, is that your love belongs to some other woman and for some reason you can’t be with her.”

The smile erased from Jaime’s lips. Before he could find something to say, he took the wine and served himself some more.

“I see. The last one is then.” She said with wisdom that Jaime found annoying.

“Yes, it is. I hope your pride won’t get hurt to find out that you were not my first choice. There isn’t any mysterious reason that prevent me to get married to the woman I wish, is just that she doesn’t want me.” He added smiling and struggling to get at bay the bitterness in his voice.

“Very few women in Westeros would reject a husband such as the Lord of Casterly Rock.” Lady Aleyda told him, making clear that she also could refuse him.

“Indeed, she is a very special woman. Now, if you excuse me, I have some business that claimed for my attention and I guess you’d like some time to ponder if you are one of those _few women_ who can decline my offer.”

He also let clear with an unconcerned smile that the effect of her refusal would not hurt him as had done the woman he really loved.

“None of those are actually reasons to refuse your offer, however as you just said I’d like to have a time to consider my answer.” She told him in a tone that really didn’t leave place to any other option.

“Of course, my lady. You’re free to use horses, maids or any other thing you may wish.”

<*>

Even after losing most of his power the House of Lannister was still one of the most respected ones in all Westeros and they were also very wealthy. Jaime Lannister, also known as the Kingslayer, had been absolved of all his crimes and was even admired for some people due to his participation in the Wall War, surely was one of the most eligible men in the Seven Kingdoms.

To think that a woman could willingly reject such a man was something that aroused Lady Aleyda’s curiosity. She guessed that there was a story worthy of songs behind all that. Deep inside she was a true romantic, though a very practical one, and was aware of the incredibly opportunity she had to become one of the more powerful woman in Westeros, but she had some concerns regarding the personality of her husband-to-be. There were a lot of gossips about the Lannister cruelty and not even all the gold in Casterly Rock would made her to go through a lifetime of suffering and humiliation. Her agreement with her father was clear, she would not accept the proposal until she was sure that she will be treated with respect and that Jaime Lannister was at least an equilibrated man.

Lady Aleyda goal for the next days was to make all the necessary inquires until she got to know the real character of Lannister and of course finding who was the mysterious woman that had hurt so deeply the pride of that lion. Nor her or her father or any other counselor was aware of a previous proposal to another Lady.

Her inquiries lead her to have long conversations with some squires, a couple of them turned to be especially helpful: Podrick and Peck. Both of them told her that Lord Jaime normally had outbursts of bad mood, during which he cursed like a drunken sailor, he drank just occasionally, and always sang out of tune, but he wasn’t a man that would find pleasure in violence outside the battlefield. He was also generous, funny and reckless, though more conceited of what he should be. Both kids told her that she must talk with Lady Brienne, whom he respected deeply, even when they spend most of their time together arguing about nothing.

If she had not met Lady Brienne when she just arrived at the Rock, surely the boy’s words would make her suspect if it was this woman that Lannister loved.

But that was obviously impossible. The poor thing was abnormally tall  —even taller than Lannister—, with thick shoulders and rough, with no trace of femininity or beauty. Her hair was straight, of straw color that barely reached her shoulders. But the worst was her face, while she had indeed beautiful blue eyes that briefly could make you forget all her ugliness; it only take a glance at her grotesquely marred cheek to feel an infinity sorrow for the unfortunate girl. She seemed very aware of her situation because she always had a scowling gesture and manly clothes that kept perfectly hidden her graceless body.

For a couple of days she believed so, but one afternoon, during one of her walks she saw them together near the yard where squires practiced. They were sat in an old trunk, sweaty faces and swords by their sides. Both smiling.

Until then she had never saw Lady Brienne smiling, she couldn’t say that the gesture went well with her face, but at least she looked younger, full of life and illusions, naive and even sweet. The man, on the contrary, always had a smile on his handsome face, however said smile never reached his eyes, always filled with disdain and arrogance. Nevertheless, in that moment, sitting very close to the wretched woman he looked sincere and happy, almost as excited as a teenager watching the girl for whom he had fell in love for the very first time, anxious and not knowing what to do with his arms or how close he could be without scaring her away.

Lady Aleyda didn’t doubted anymore, she knew then who was the owner of the Kingslayer’s heart and that she didn’t need any more evidence of the man’s personality, because someone clever enough to see beyond a rough outside and find something worth of love was an outstanding human being.

The only thing that was still beyond her comprehension right then was the woman’s feelings, so she considered having a heart-to-heart conversation with the so mentioned Lady Brienne.

She found her the next day, walking out the stables where, as she was told, she used to spent a lot of her time taking good care of her horse —a Lord Lannister’s gift.

“Lady Brienne, would you be so nice to walk with me? I guess you know the surroundings better than me.” She told Brienne taking her by the arm; she felt surprisingly petite standing close to her.

The woman walked away from her, she didn’t seem to be rude, just not used to socialize. Brienne nodded and walked beside her with big strides.

“You must know that Jaime Lannister has proposed to me.” Lady Brienne nodded again, her eyes fixed on the ground. “But I would like to know him a little better before accepting his offer. I understand that nobody knows him better than you.”

“We went through a lot of things together and we became very good friends.” She assured her, staring at the road.

“Then, tell me, Lady Brienne, is he a good man or is he mean? There is much said about his family. About the late king Joffrey—”

“Jaime is—“ she stopped looking at an old oak and biting her lip maybe pondering what to say and what to keep to herself. “He can test your patience in the blink of an eye. He is stubborn, cocky, hot headed and arrogant. But he’s also the most loyal man I have ever met and he would not hesitate to give his remaining hand to protect those he loves. If you are lucky enough to gain his trust he will never let you down, he’ll put your welfare far before his own; and if in addition you have his friendship you’ll never feel alone again.”

“You hold him in great esteem, I see.” Lady Aleyda stated, taking Brienne by her elbow to make her face her eyes. “But tell me, would you marry him?”

By instinct the woman drag her hand to her marred cheek, closed the eyes and laughed bitterly.

“ I won’t marry to anyone.” Brienne told her looking away.

“But if you were in my place, would you accept to be his wife?” She pushed, feeling a whiplash of guilt for torturing in that way a woman that was so obviously in love.

However, Brienne didn’t answer, she just smiled weakly and for an instant her eyes were filled with light and life. For a moment, she almost looked pretty. Then she recovered her sour gesture and walked away adding:

“Lord Jaime is a good man and any women would be happy to be his wife. Now if you excuse me, Lady Aleyda, I leave for Tarth just after Lord Jaime’s wedding and there are a lot of things that need to be done.”

With a clumsy courtesy she quickly moved away without looking back.

Now she had all the information she needed it to make her decision and had no more reasons to delay her meeting with the Lord of the Rock.

<*>

Yes, Brienne had never thought that she would be in her current situation: trying hard to convince a beautiful and elegant lady to get marry to the man she was in love with.

As part of her mental training she pictured again the smiling and comely face of Lady Aleyda while she was entering the Casterly Rock’s sept, dressed in one of her luxurious and elegant gowns, smiling to Jaime who waited for her at the end of the aisle with the red Lannister cloak ready to cover his brand new bride’s pale shoulders.

They’d left the sept holding hands and the people around them would throw flowers at them, between applauses and cheers for their new Lady’s beauty, a woman that could preside banquets and parties with the due grace. A woman nobody could be ashamed of, and who would garnish the Lannister’s name as a beautiful jewel.

She had to torture herself telling her those truths over and over again until they became something as natural as breathing, so when the time came she would be ready to face the moment. Maybe that way it wouldn’t hurt so much to heard Jaime’s voice taking another woman as his wife.

She had thought that her heart had been irretrievably broken the day she announced him her father’s wedding, just before he let her know his intentions of looking for a wife. The same day he had been close to offer to find a husband for the poor, misshapen and broken Maid of Tarth. She didn’t let him finish his offer though; because she would not have been able to take it.

Now she understood that that just had been one crack more and the final rupture of her wretched heart was going to happen on his wedding day. That was the reason she had to be ready, so nobody would realize she’ll die on that moment and the woman who would leave for Tarth the next day would be nothing but an empty shell.

<*>

When she sent one of her maids to ask for a meeting with Lord Jaime, she hesitate for a moment, thinking that maybe an informal conversation in the gardens will suit them better, but she convinced herself otherwise because it was, after all, a business meeting, and her father had always told her those must take place between four walls. She summoned the man in his own meeting room and waited for him seated at the head of the table. After a brief look of surprise he sat beside her with no further comments. After barely a greeting she went straight to the point.

“You were honest with me, ser, and that makes me wanting to be honest with you too. I’m afraid I must refuse your marriage offer.”

Lady Aleyda was a little offended by finding that he seemed relieved and that they were not even a little sign of disappointment on the man’s face.

“I understand. I guess that you desire less indifference in your husband.” Jaime told her nodding.

“No, ser. I know very well marriage between our classes is normally just business agreements and very often indifference is the best we can wish for. I refuse you because, not asking for it, life has put me in the middle of a funny triangle and, as the other two sides are blind and cannot see at all because of their fears, it’s up to me have the sense to quite the game.”

“My Lady, I’m afraid, I don’t understand you.” Jaime mumbled confused.

Lady Aleyda smiled softly and elegantly shook her brown curls. How could the man be so blind about Brienne’s feelings?

“Neither I can understand, ser, how two people whose courage is praised in all Kingdoms can be so coward regarding their love life. Who better than the two of you to understand how fragile life can be?” She asked him trying to be clearer. “Don’t waste your time with children’s misunderstandings. Take the opportunity that life has given to you two and denied to so many others. You have the chance to build a marriage that will have, in addition to trust and respect, a loyal friendship and above all a pure and selfless love. Talk to her, ser, I can assure you that she will return your feelings completely. Don’t forget that it doesn’t matter how though she can be in the middle of a battle, she is still a woman that needs to be wooed. That duty belongs to you, my Lord, because you are the man.”

With no further explanation, the woman gave him her hand that he kissed while the true of her words broke through his mind.

 

Yes, Jaime’s pride was lightly offended, but he felt so relieved that far from holding a grudge against her, he was grateful.

<*>

For a woman so little used to the way of ladies, Brienne used to spend a surprisingly long time in the gardens. Each day, during the last lights of the afternoon, she sat on a bench, with her back turned to the roses, between the yellows and reds tulips. Hands in her knees she rested immobile, letting that the soft rays of sunshine caressed her face, as if that erased from her body and soul all the damage that winter had caused to her.

Jaime sat by her side but she didn’t seemed to be aware of his presence.

“Lady Aleyda is leaving tomorrow morning. She told me she’d be glad to say goodbye to you.”

“Is she leaving? But your wedding —“

“She didn’t accept me.” He confessed unconcerned.

“I’m sorry.” As few times in her life the wench’s voice sounded false. That was a very good sign. “She was a very good match.”

“She wasn’t my type at all.” He shrugged. “Too beautiful, small and soft —Anyway, she gave me a very good advice and I’d like to thank her with a bouquet of flowers. I’ve heard women love roses.”

“I hate roses. I think tulips are more sincere. The white ones mean purity and innocence, reds are a confession of eternal love and the yellows—“ she swallowed and looked away before continuing, “hopeless love.”

Jaime snorted before he openly laughed.

“You have spent a lot of time with the gardener.”

“He’s a good man.” Brienne assured him, gripping her own hands anxiously. “I’m sorry that your marriage couldn’t be settled. Lady Aleyda seems to be a very smart woman.”

“She is, indeed. Maybe that’s why she rejected me. It looks like I’m doomed to sufferdespise of each smart women I meet. However, I must confess her denial didn’t represent a tragedy for me. Not hers, at least. Maybe next time I will have to propose with a red tulips bouquet.” He added frowning thoughtful.  “But now tell me, wench, what kind of flower I must gave to Lady Aleyda to show her my gratitude?”

“Pink roses. You’re right, most of women love roses.” She said standing and walking to the yellow tulips and caress them idly.

“But Lady Brienne of Tarth is not like most of women.” He also stood up but walked in opposite direction, through the red tulips.

He tried to cut one, but he ended up with a lifeless twisted flower. He silently cursed and tried again, this time using his nail as a knife and finally got one that held with his stump as he cut a couple more.

Brienne still was absentminded and didn’t look at him until Jaime demanded her attention by hitting her with his elbow.

“Maybe there is still time to correct my mistake.” He told her.

“I thought that it would be pink roses.” She mumbled noticing the tulips that Jaime was holding in his hand.

“For Lady Aleyda it will be roses, but this are for you —if you take them.”

Probably just a couple of seconds passed by, but for Jaime they felt as centuries. She raised her head and fixed her wonderful blue eyes in him, perhaps waiting for him to start laughing. He felt stupid when realized his hand —his only hand— was trembling.”

Brienne made an effort to get closer to the flowers but her insecure fingers stopped midway.

“Why?” Her voice sounded oddly high-pitched and the tears she struggled to keep at bay made her eyes looked bigger and bluer.

“Why I am giving them to you? I think is pretty obvious: because you are the only woman I want to share my life with. If you ask why I waited until now to do it, well —that is more complicated.” His hand was still trembling and the battered tulips looked as if they were about to fell apart. “I guess I was afraid that you would reject me again.”

“Again?” Brienne asked confused.

Jaime frowned and stared at her until he was sure that she wasn’t playing jokes on him.

“The day you told me your father was going to get married —Brienne, I was asking you to be my wife and you didn’t let me finish my proposal. You just yelled that you didn’t want to get married.”

“I believed you were offering to find me a betrothed—“

Jaime was forced to break out laughing, sincerely this time, because the absurd situation called for it. “There’s no damn man I would be willing to give you to.“

Suddenly he felt Brienne’s warm hand. It was a strong and rough hand, calloused by years of sword training and reins, a hand so different from Lady Aleyda’s softs and delicates ones.

“I always thought I just could be for you —that you only can offer me —“

“Pink roses and yellow tulips?” He interrupted her; she nodded and finally she took the tulips from him. “I love you, you stupid wench.” He whispered with his lips so close to her ear that his words were almost inaudible.

Their lips briefly brushed, but that was enough to make a wave of energy went deeply through them.

“And I love you,” she whispered quickly parting away from his side, “that’s why I cannot accept you.” Before he could demand an explanation for what clearly seemed to be a senseless one she went on: “There are enough mocking and distrust glances on all your counsels each time you insist I am present in your meetings. Can you imagine what they’d said if you announce them that you are engaged to me?

She laughed willingly as Jaime backed away a couple of steps trying hard to contain his rage.

“Are you punishing me for what other people has done to you, Brienne?”

“No! Don’t you understand I am doing the right thing? I’m saving you from all the troubles that this silly impulse will carry. I’m being sensible —I’m putting you welfare before my happiness because if I accept you now as time passes you will realize all this was a stupid thing and then there will be nothing you can do to correct your mistake. Look at me, Jaime! By the seven, look at me! What kind of wife I could be? Look at me—”

All her strength left her at that moment and she could do nothing that could prevent her from falling on her knees, broken tulips on her hands and quiet tears running by the cracks that the scar in her cheek formed.

He took her by the elbow and got her up.

“To hell with all the people, Brienne. If someone doesn’t agree with my choice is free to go away or swallow their complaints in silence.” He kissed her cheek softly. “We already have won the right to do whatever that would make us happy. If this doesn’t make you happy, if being the Lady of the Rock is not your desire then we can go to Tarth, Essos or to the very hell as long as we are together. If the only thing that prevent you to take me are the people prejudices then that can be arranged. If it is only cowardice, if you’re only afraid I’ll change my mind about how I feel now for you —then I don’t know who you are because the wench I know is not that coward.” He assured her, teeth so clenched that his words almost couldn’t be heard.

She couldn’t find something smart to say and kept quiet; when he got closer to her she didn’t recoil nor pushed him away. She let him hugged her and kissed her, forgetting every barrier that her mind was yelling at her and with no further fight she yield.

 

Through her whole life Brienne had deemed a lot of thing as impossible, but none of them seemed so much as having Jaime Lannister’s lips on hers, or his voice whispering in her ear that he loved her and only her. There was nothing that she would have judged more absurd that, a couple of days later, left Casterly Rock’s sept as Lady Lannister, with her lord husband holding her hand and looking at her as if his lifelong dream had just came true.

But apparently, in the crazy and convulsed world she lived in, there were still a lot of things she had wrongly believed impossible.


End file.
